


Beginning Again

by out_of_nowhere



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Dead name mentioned, Genderqueer Character, M/M, Trans Male Character, Transitioning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:53:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27992571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/out_of_nowhere/pseuds/out_of_nowhere
Summary: Hotch's marriage has come to an end. Now he must navigate coming out and dealing with his gender identity for the first time since he transitioned. Hotch/Reid will begin in chapter two.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Haley Hotchner, Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid, Past Aaron/Haley
Comments: 10
Kudos: 30





	Beginning Again

**Author's Note:**

> Potentially triggering talk about dysmorphia and gender identity issues. This is representative of my OWN gender journey and thoughts on transitioning. Not everyone's transition is the same and I certainly mean no disrespect to anyone else and their experience. 
> 
> If you're one of my Rhink followers, I'm sorry this isn't Rhink. A mutual offered a trans!Hotch prompt and this fell out. But I'm working on a looong Christmas Rhink fic and will update Dorms and Dreamers in January. Promise.

The divorce papers lay on his desk, taunting him like a trap he knew he'd inevitably succumb to. 

When Hotch had met and started dating Haley, he had considered himself one of the luckiest people ever. At the time, he still answered to Amanda, and while he knew that he was bisexual, felt very comfortable in the role of butch lesbian. The ability to be the obvious "man" of the relationship helps calm his gender questioning thoughts. 

But after a few years, even that wasn't enough and he came crying to Haley, explaining everything through tears. He knew that she identified as a lesbian and that coming out as a male to her might put an end to the relationship. And he wouldn't have blamed her. It would have hurt, sure, but this was a big thing he was unloading on her.

Haley had smiled, though. Wiped away his tears and kissed him deep. Promised him that the only thing that changed with him becoming Aaron instead of Amanda was that it settled her in the role of carrying their children. Relieved beyond belief, he had kissed her back and that time the tears on his face were from happiness. 

Hotch's transition and top surgery had gone better than he expected. Because he and Haley had already been using toys in the bedroom, and he had had much more dysmorphia over his chest than a lack of penis, he didn't worry about bottom surgery. Hormones had his clit growing into something he affectionately started calling his "little a-aron" and he was more than happy with his life. 

Entering the F.B.I. had been nerve-wracking, but Haley had stood by him through that, too. He had been fortunate enough to have been born with genes making him 6' tall and stocky, so since he had been on T for a while by then, passing the physical by the men's standards wasn't as hard as he first thought it was going to be. His naturally gruff and standoffish persona only helped him to pass and no one in the academy questioned his gender. Only certain superiors ever knew that he had been born as anything other than Aaron Hotchner, and he couldn't have been more relieved, especially as he made his way up the ranks.

Haley getting pregnant had been another hardship for them. Yet she had continued to be so wonderful about going to fertility appointments alone or with her mother. Of course, Hotch tried to go with her as often as possible, but technically he wasn't needed, since it wasn't like he could provide sperm anyway. 

He figures it was after Jack was born that things started going downhill for them. Haley thought that he would start putting his work to the side, but he couldn't. As much as he loved Haley and Jack, he didn't know how to live as anyone other than S.S.A. Hotchner. Which was why that live trap sat on the edge of his desk. 

With a sigh, he grabbed the envelope and shoved it into a drawer. He and Reid had somewhere to be.

**Author's Note:**

> Constructive criticism is welcome. Also, my usual beta doesn't watch the show, so if anyone is interested in becoming my beta for this, or just to talk about the show or plot line, message me on tumblr @outofnowhere82


End file.
